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Why He Never Calls After Sex

#1 User is offline   Bumble-bee 

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Posted 30 August 2010 - 10:35 AM

Rowan Pelling shares her sex advice on why he never calls after sex. do u agree?

Is there anything more frustrating than a man who is Prince Charming all the way to the bedroom, and Houdini afterwards - vanishing into thin air.

The worst thing, as you say, is that his desertion inevitably leaves you feeling that the sex was a disaster (even when your rational side tells you it wasn't); if it was good, you reason, he would surely have come back for more.

Except this isn't necessarily the case. Sadly, a number of immature men are interested only in a conquest: once the chase is over, their interest evaporates. This has nothing to do with the quality of sex, but everything to do with a terror of commitment and proper intimacy.

The trouble is that some men (a few women, too) take far greater pleasure from a challenge than from actually succeeding in the task of seduction. They don't thank their targets for capitulating to their wiles.

I am not sure how you can armour yourself against such people, because their romantic success is largely due to the fact they seem genuinely smitten throughout the courtship process. Some of my canniest girl friends have had encounters with this breed of malcontent male and never suspected a thing, until it was too late.

One woman spent three months dating a man who seemed besotted; he knew she was feeling vulnerable following a divorce. She finally felt secure enough in his affections to let her drawbridge down and take him to bed.

She said the sex was very good, but when she put her arms around him afterwards and tried to kiss him, he tensed up and said: 'You do know I don't want anything too serious.' He left early in the morning and didn't contact her again, except for a text saying: 'It was too intense for me.'

The clues to this man's behaviour were there in his dating history, but she only found that out afterwards, from a mutual friend, who said her former boyfriend's strongest attractions were to unobtainable women (usually married) and that he always went cool if a woman took this passion to its logical, sexual conclusion.

He seemed to scorn women who agreed to sex. The mutual friend said: 'It's a bit like Groucho Marx's famous maxim that he didn't want to be a member of any club that would take him - this man didn't want any woman who stooped so low as to desire him.'

Of course, there is also a chance that something did go awry in the bedroom and you didn't detect it (although I'd think that's unlikely with a woman of your age and experience).

If so, I am certain it wasn't the case that you were 'bad in bed'. Indeed, it's possible you could have been too good! Some men can be shocked by something as simple as a woman taking the lead in the bedroom.

It is also possible that this man simply felt the sexual chemistry was awry, but was too great a coward to tell you. And you have to bear in mind the brutal fact that one lover can believe they've had great sex while the other thinks the earth didn't move.

None of which makes you a poor lover, or excuses this man cutting you off in the cruellest manner.

The truth is this man has completely failed his bedroom etiquette exam and his shortcomings are far worse than sexual incompetence - he's just plain rude.

He could have done with lessons from a friend's father who used to tell his son: 'You must take great care to always sleep with a woman at least twice, otherwise she may conclude that she is unsatisfactory in the bedroom, and that is a gross discourtesy.'

But there's no need to dwell on this oaf, nor to feel shamed that you've had what you term a ' one-night stand'. I don't think that's an accurate term for a relationship where the sex was preceded by several months' dating.

And don't let your confidence take a bashing after years of satisfactory relationships.

Take a tip from a friend of mine, who always says of her bedroom technique: 'Put it like this - no complaints yet!'
“Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand” (Homer Simpson)

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#2 User is offline   Veronica 

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Posted 31 August 2010 - 11:39 AM

men and women are different and we just ahve to put up with that
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#3 User is offline   Lovely 

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 06:49 AM

its too long :) didnt manage to read the whole thing...could you please tell the sum?
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