Help
I have never believed it is possible to love two men at the same time but i have changed my opinion recently. A friend of mine has got into a situation you can never call simple. She's got two men who love her and she loves both, too. Both have proposed her. She's confused,embarrassed, and perplexed simultaneously. Who to choose? How to choose? What things to take into an account when making a decision?
If someone has been in such a situation, please help. I'm not the one to give advice here as i'm happily married for a few years already. Any ideas, girls?
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How to choose between two men? How to choose between two men you think you love both
#2
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Posted 13 June 2011 - 10:48 AM
I've found an article, i think a good one, to help you:
Step 1: Weigh the Pros and Cons
While it may be tempting to simply follow your impulses and pick the guy that you feel the most physically attracted to, it is important to think rationally about your needs and what these men truly have to offer you. The first course of action here is to sit down with a pen and paper and create a list of all of the things that you are looking for in a guy and in a relationship. What have you always wanted for yourself? What are your priorities? Once you have these things written down, go over your list and write down the name of the guy (or guys) who meet each of your criteria. The guy who best matches your aspirations may be the one for you. In addition to the number of matches a guy has, you should also note the importance of each item on your list, and weigh them accordingly.1
Next, write down the things that you absolutely do not want in a relationship, and do the same thing. Who is more likely to cheat? Is one of them rude to your friends or family? Compare these notes with your list of relationship wants, and you may find that it is easy to make your decision.
Step 2: Listen to Your Heart
Of course, a guy needs to do more than just look good on paper in order to win your heart. You must also take your feelings into consideration. You probably feel a bit different when you are around each of them. Who really makes your heart flutter? If they both send sparks running through your body, it can be hard to tell which one your heart prefers. However, there is a good chance that even if they both attract you greatly, there is one that you can simply feel is better for you. This has a bit to do with sexual attraction, but also a sense of comfort and happiness that comes along with the physical chemistry.
You should feel safe, warm, and happy when you are with the guy that you belong with. If you have any doubts or pick up on any subtle signals that make you question the honesty or good intentions of the man you are with, there is a good chance that he is not the one that you want to end up with.
Step 3: How to Avoid Choosing the Wrong Guy
If you have followed the above steps, then by now you should know both the rational choice to make as well as the more intuitive selection. Hopefully, they both match each other. If they do not, there is a good chance that neither of these guys is truly right for you, and you may wish to move on and experience dating some more men before committing yourself to anyone in particular. Whatever the case, it is a good idea to know the reasons why you should not choose one guy over the other one. These include:
Do not choose a guy because he seems good for you, and you want things to work out even though you do not have true feelings for him.2
Do not pick a guy because he makes the most money, no matter how many beautiful gifts he gives you.
Don't make a decision based purely on sex. You will need to be compatible in many other ways in order to sustain a relationship.
Do not choose a guy just because your friends or family like him a lot.
Do not enter a serious relationship before you are ready because you feel pressure from the guy.
Step 1: Weigh the Pros and Cons
While it may be tempting to simply follow your impulses and pick the guy that you feel the most physically attracted to, it is important to think rationally about your needs and what these men truly have to offer you. The first course of action here is to sit down with a pen and paper and create a list of all of the things that you are looking for in a guy and in a relationship. What have you always wanted for yourself? What are your priorities? Once you have these things written down, go over your list and write down the name of the guy (or guys) who meet each of your criteria. The guy who best matches your aspirations may be the one for you. In addition to the number of matches a guy has, you should also note the importance of each item on your list, and weigh them accordingly.1
Next, write down the things that you absolutely do not want in a relationship, and do the same thing. Who is more likely to cheat? Is one of them rude to your friends or family? Compare these notes with your list of relationship wants, and you may find that it is easy to make your decision.
Step 2: Listen to Your Heart
Of course, a guy needs to do more than just look good on paper in order to win your heart. You must also take your feelings into consideration. You probably feel a bit different when you are around each of them. Who really makes your heart flutter? If they both send sparks running through your body, it can be hard to tell which one your heart prefers. However, there is a good chance that even if they both attract you greatly, there is one that you can simply feel is better for you. This has a bit to do with sexual attraction, but also a sense of comfort and happiness that comes along with the physical chemistry.
You should feel safe, warm, and happy when you are with the guy that you belong with. If you have any doubts or pick up on any subtle signals that make you question the honesty or good intentions of the man you are with, there is a good chance that he is not the one that you want to end up with.
Step 3: How to Avoid Choosing the Wrong Guy
If you have followed the above steps, then by now you should know both the rational choice to make as well as the more intuitive selection. Hopefully, they both match each other. If they do not, there is a good chance that neither of these guys is truly right for you, and you may wish to move on and experience dating some more men before committing yourself to anyone in particular. Whatever the case, it is a good idea to know the reasons why you should not choose one guy over the other one. These include:
Do not choose a guy because he seems good for you, and you want things to work out even though you do not have true feelings for him.2
Do not pick a guy because he makes the most money, no matter how many beautiful gifts he gives you.
Don't make a decision based purely on sex. You will need to be compatible in many other ways in order to sustain a relationship.
Do not choose a guy just because your friends or family like him a lot.
Do not enter a serious relationship before you are ready because you feel pressure from the guy.
#3
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Posted 14 June 2011 - 05:36 AM
I've never been in such a situation. I'dont think she really loves both. Moreover there is no way one can be in love with two!
#4
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Posted 14 June 2011 - 09:16 AM
IMHO she just need to understand whom she really loves, and there are actually no tips on how to make the right choice ,just listen to your heart... and soul... and mind.
#5 Guest_Rain_*
Posted 13 November 2011 - 05:45 AM
Veronica, on 13 June 2011 - 10:44 AM, said:
I have never believed it is possible to love two men at the same time but i have changed my opinion recently. A friend of mine has got into a situation you can never call simple. She's got two men who love her and she loves both, too. Both have proposed her. She's confused,embarrassed, and perplexed simultaneously. Who to choose? How to choose? What things to take into an account when making a decision?
If someone has been in such a situation, please help. I'm not the one to give advice here as i'm happily married for a few years already. Any ideas, girls?
If someone has been in such a situation, please help. I'm not the one to give advice here as i'm happily married for a few years already. Any ideas, girls?
Okay I was in the same boat as your friend..its never going to be an easy decision, but for me it came down to compatability, love well thats the easy part..but.. so take that out of the equation for a start..its about choosing the man she thinks is best for her for a life long partnership, someone on the same wavelength as her regarding what she wants and needs in a marriage and life. There must be friendship, encouragement, and the desire to achieve the same goals and dreams in life or for them at least to be heading in the same direction, also career wise will he encourage and support her choices allow her to grow as a person and relationship wise, will he be there for her when she needs him, even religion can be a topic that needs to be sorted out. Also children, are their long term goals the same when it comes to planning a family in the future ? Does she see something in one man that is lacking in the other which may help her to choose between the two? If she is honest with herself she will find there is in fact one man that she is more attracted to then the other ..just try to be more clinical about it all. Its time for some serious discussion and open and honest dialogue between her and these two men. Will she get all the support, loyalty, love,care and understanding she needs from whoever she chooses? This is how I decided between the two men in my life.... Good Luck to your friend, tell her to make a list of pros and cons on both of these men, for sure one will come out slightly ahead. The longer she leaves it the harder it is and more confused she will become.. for the man she doesnt choose.. allow him to move on and find someone special for himself. In the meantime each of their lives is in limbo while she makes her decision and that is an unfair way to treat these two men. If she truly loves them she has to do the right thing and choose one soon ..or... if she cant do that then choose neither and move on.
#6
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Posted 14 November 2011 - 11:45 AM
well, i'm here to tell you who she chose)))
she chose the man who was very supportive, kind, generous, the one who was always there for her when she needed it. but while feeling happy with one man she still misses the other. life is really hard, girls!
she chose the man who was very supportive, kind, generous, the one who was always there for her when she needed it. but while feeling happy with one man she still misses the other. life is really hard, girls!
#7 Guest_lucia_*
Posted 05 January 2012 - 01:54 PM
I'm in a similar situation bt I know the I guy I love its just the other guy has been so good to me and his family loves me very much confused help
#8
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Posted 06 January 2012 - 10:41 AM
Oh, Lucia, poor you! i think it's really not easy to make the choice here, or to announce it to others. But you have to think about yourself. Think about wHo of these guys is better for you. Love isn't always the best helper..
#9 Guest_biaNca_*
Posted 26 January 2012 - 08:23 PM
i am iN da same situatioN also i have No idea who 2 choose me and my boyfriend of 14 months had brokeN up because he was in & out of trouble while we wer broken up i met a very Nice guy he loves me so much i got 2gether with him n weve been dating 4 almost 2 muNths Now but my ex of 14 moNths came back hes doiN good Now straighteNed out n i still love him but this other guy treats me so good i dont know who 2 choose please help!!
#10 Guest_Beth_*
Posted 17 February 2012 - 12:40 AM
I am in the same situation as Veronica's friend and I think what Butterfly and Rain said makes a lot of sense. I have been thinking about compatibility and what i want in a man, however if I choose one I'm afraid I will end up missing the other so much I might regret my decision. I know I cant have the best of both worlds. What if one of them is the best choice for me and i know it but I still keep choosing the other one? what does that mean? I don't know what to do but I need to make a decision now!
#11 Guest_ees_*
Posted 22 February 2012 - 03:26 AM
This is what is happening to me. My ex of ten years. And I can not stop thinking about eachother and he has always been the person I always wanted to marry n have a family he is 22 n I am 23 he left me bc we were young while saying and he didn't date around like young ppl like to I never felt like I had to but I get it. We have been broken up for 3 years n I am saying this really great Guy treats me so good. And I'm not afraid he will leave me. But my ex wants me back n I think about it but I'm scared he will leave even though he swears he learned n realized he has been waiting 3 years n I kno if k left my man now he wouldn't wait he is 29 I don't kno who to choose
#12
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Posted 01 April 2012 - 08:28 AM
I'm in the same boat. I love two great men. And both love me and both are pushing towards marriage now. I was hoping that somehow one would have disappeared at this point...but both are still there. I love them both and can't figure out who to chose. I can't even imagine to have let go one of them and to break one's heart. I'm afraid that if I chose one, I might be sorry and wish I had chosen the other. For those who have never been in this situation...I say...watch out and don't ever get into such a mess. It's the hardest situation I have ever been in, and some days I feel like I'm going to lose my sanity. The more I try to figure this out, the more I don't know what to do. At some moments I might feel like I have figured it out, but then again it all does no make any sense. One day I lean towards the one, the next day towards the other. They both don't know about each other. One is an ex who came back, and the other is a newer flame that I met while my ex and I were apart. The newer one is more thrilling and it's all so sweet. The problems my ex and I had are not there (at least not yet). But with the ex I know exactly who he is...and there won't be bad surprises. My ex is not perfect...but he is familiar and reliable. Life with the new guy however seems to be much more "rosy" and fun. But I don't know if in the end it wouldn't be about the same. The ex is generous, the newer guy is not very generous...he is rather stingy. The ex has a temper...the newer guy I don't know that part yet for sure. The ex is way older...the newer isn't. Oh ...there are so many things. Any wise advise from anybody? I for me would like to wait to make a choice, but both are pushing. The stress is out the roof. I feel like running away...and not having to chose.
#13
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Posted 02 May 2012 - 07:40 AM
i don't think you can't love two persons at a time.. there will always be that one you are most afraid to loose.
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